Falling in Love with Potential "I know who you think he can be... but who is he now?"
I remember doing this a couple of times if I can just go on ahead and be honest. You know what I'm talking about ladies. Maybe you see potential for him to be an awesome man of God, you see that he loves God, he reads his Word, enjoys going to church... but he continues to pressure you for sex, to drink a little too much for your liking, or likes to party with his friends. Or maybe you see potential for him to be a business owner or entrepreneur but he has no drive, he's super talented at whatever his skill is but he thinks that that talent will magically get him from point A to B. Or another option is that he's playing it too safe, you see big things for his future but he likes his cushy 9-5 and doesn't want to go on to that next level interview or show interest in the vacancy at the job that could lead to a promotion of a lifetime. Whatever your situation may have been or may be currently, I'm sure you can relate to seeing so much more in a man than he was actually willing to act on for his own life.
I'm sort of a word nerd so I figured we'd pause for a minute and look at what potential means.
Potential (noun)- latent qualities or abilities that may be developed and lead to future success or usefulness. Now the words that jumped out at me right away were "latent", and "may be developed". So plainly stated these qualities that we see in some men are dormant and untapped and more importantly there is no guarantee that they will ever be developed. Go ahead and let that sink in sis, if you're currently in a relationship based on sheer potential. And I know some of you are thinking well that's not fair to say because some people just need a little help and encouragement to become the person we know is already in existence deep down on the inside. And I totally agree with you but I also caution you because it is innate for us as women to want to "help" even if that is not the best decision for us to make.
Over in Genesis 2:18 God made "helping" one of our (women) many purposes. Take a look: "The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." So you see we were created to help man with whatever God has purposed him to do. So it's only natural that we as woman are so good at quickly identifying and speaking to what needs to be done in order to help a man accomplish his goals to reach his purpose, because our Creator made us this way! However, my problem comes in when we do this out of order and that "man" is not our man, meaning our husband. How many times have you walked away from a relationship feeling like you've "upgraded" him, only for things not to work out and all of your work go to the next woman he's with? Or you walked away from the relationship just feeling drained, like everything you tried to help him with didn't pay off because he wasn't willing to do the work? So how do we as well intentioned women of God, guard against our tendency to fall in love with potential without seeing present reality? I can't say that I have all of the answers but I do have a couple tips that I think we can all follow and of course as always we can rely on the Holy Spirit for guidance and counsel.
Tip #1: Make sure he knows his purpose. Have a conversation about it and see where his head is at. Does he have a 5 year, 10 year, shoot even a 15 year plan, but does he have a plan? Do you believe in it? Is that plan what he believes God is leading him to do or just something he wants to do? Is it aligned with God's plan for your life? (It's not all about him!)
Tip #2: Pay close attention to see if he makes practical steps towards his goals on his own, without you needing to give a lot of advice and help along the way. And when you do give advice, does he take it and run with it or just sit on it with no drive?
Tip #3: Listen to your instincts. Listen to the still small voice (the Holy Spirit) that tells you if the relationship itself has potential and is in fact what you should be investing time and energy into in the first place. As women we get that check from the Holy Spirit long before we're willing to admit it. I'm suggesting that you be very in tune with ourselves and God, and realize when it's time to bow out gracefully or never step onto that stage to begin with.
As always, I hoped you gained some insight, encouragement, inspiration, and all that good stuff as a result of reading this post. Comment below if you're brave enough to admit that you fell in love with potential. Share your experience, I'm curious to know if it worked out for you!
Love you guys and until next time, whatever you do, do it ALL for the glory of God!